Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
