You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
