ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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