sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
