I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
