I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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