he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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