I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
