what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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