Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
