Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
