he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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