I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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