there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
that may or may not have been my penis.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
