Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
