my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
