i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
