No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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