**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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