Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
