I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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