1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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