You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
