I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
