so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
