party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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