last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
