would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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