Is it because I queefed?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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