u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
