I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
