don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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