perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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