well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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