I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
birth control should be required to get into college
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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