The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
