my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
