you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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