Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
