Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
