and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
