Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
