I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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