Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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