but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
