I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
