hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
