I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
