We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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