dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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