My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
should my penis look like a turkey
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
