he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
