How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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