Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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