I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize