my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
