yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
