i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
